Category: Writing

The Dresses and Skeletons of the First Ladies

A museum guide is leading a tour at the Smithsonian Museum of Weird Shit. GUIDE: And this is the Presidential Wing…Here, you’ll see the remarkable inauguration gowns worn by
John Bailey Owen no comments

An Interview With Some Tweezers

    Here’s how I decided to deal with my acne when I was thirteen: An office. My 13 year old self is sitting at a desk. Tweezers enters.
John Bailey Owen no comments

A Message From Lance Armstrong

Last August, I took advantage of an offer from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency to be automatically stripped of my Tour de France titles by refusing to defend myself against
John Bailey Owen no comments

The Hunger But Mainly Death Games

Here is the first chapter of The Hunger But Mainly Death Games, a parody I wrote with my friend Aaron Geary. Why did I think it was necessary right
John Bailey Owen no comments

Nightlight

I wrote this for Nightlight, the Harvard Lampoon’s parody of Twilight. [gview file=”https://johnbaileyowen.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Nightlight-Chapter-6.pdf”]  
John Bailey Owen no comments

One Head in the Killmachine – in 3D

This is the issue of the Harvard Lampoon that I edited with Dan Ashwood. Open publication – Free publishing – More 3d
John Bailey Owen no comments

A Letter From Kanye West’s Media Trainer

 “Kanye West media trainer quits after disastrous ‘Today’ interview” – New York Post Dear Mr. West, I’m writing to inform you that I will no longer be working as
John Bailey Owen no comments

Acknowledgements: My Liner Notes

John Bailey Owen no comments

Crusading Against Climate Change

Since being named chair of the Department of Energy’s climate change committee, Jim McFadden hasn’t exactly become a household name.  But that’s the way he likes it. “I’m not
John Bailey Owen no comments

Peter Spends the Afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa’s

Peter’s parents were going into the city that afternoon, so they had dropped him off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  As soon as he got there, Grandma took him
John Bailey Owen no comments