This script is dedicated to my high school buds whose lives have been ruined by oxy. To this day, I still think our soccer team would have kicked ass senior year if all that stuff hadn’t gone down! But I know you guys are having an awesome time in Heaven.
And here’s an update on Ross Ulbricht from Forbes:
When Ulbricht was arrested in the Glen Park library in San Francisco, Turner said he was logged into the Silk Road under his Dread Pirate Roberts account and was looking at an administrator control page for the site as well as another page called “Mastermind” that showed Silk Road sales numbers.
Elsewhere on his computer he had a log of Silk Road activity that included items like: “commissioned hit on blackmailers.”
Last month I got all into the FBI’s arrest of Ross Ulbricht, the 29-year-old who had been running the Silk Road. A few years ago I went on the Silk Road to see what it was like. There were lots of guns for sale and big sheets of acid. I wish I had bought some, because that would mean that I had bought some bitcoins, too. Now I would be rich, and my gun would protect me from people trying to steal my bitcoins.
If I got “in too deep” I might have had to use my gun against Ross himself, because parts of his indictments are about how he tried to have his enemies on the Silk Road murdered. It turned out he was soliciting the hits from an undercover FBI agent. From the quotes in the indictment, it seems as if the FBI was probably just trying to catch him on drug-dealin’ charges, because his exchange with the undercover agent starts out with him trying to convince the agent to sell a kilo of cocaine on SR, or something like that. But then he asks if they can beat someone up for him.
Then he thinks better of it:
The speed with which he gets himself to solicit a hit from an undercover agent is sort of tragic. So is his use of “sing”:
So is his swagger:
This next part is REALLY crazy:
Facebook has an awesome feature now where you can search for pictures of people without even being friends with them. So I used that on Ross’s profile. It turns out that he is a very specific kind of guy:
Isn’t it nice to confirm that every guy like this is a bad murderer? Or, at least, that every guy like this possesses murderous inclinations, and must be put in prison?
I have to take down my sweet lil’ hummingbird feeder every night now. I keep it in a place of prominence and respect inside” my domicile”:
That’s because my sweet lil’ raccoons are always trying to take it down! You only see my little feeder in this (which they give a tiny sniff and ignore, due to their raccoon mysteriosity), but boy, you’d better believe that they’re all about my big feeder.
This whole thing started when I fed my raccoons some of the leftover nectar I had in the fridge. Before that, they had mostly just stayed in the nest I made for them on the roof of my landlord’s house. But now they’re ranging all about, scooching over slats! I guess I’ll have to start tossing bags of candy up on the roof.
Just found out the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, a Gnostic Gospel about a young Jesus using his powers for evil. It begins when Jesus is playing in a stream on the Sabbath (“Big no-no!” I say things like big no-no now). He dams up a little pool, and then this happens:
III. But the son of Annas the scribe was standing there with Joseph; and he took a branch of a willow and dispersed the waters which Jesus had gathered together. And when Jesus saw what was done, he was wroth and said unto him: O evil, ungodly, and foolish one, what hurt did the pools and the waters do thee? behold, now also thou shalt be withered like a tree, and shalt not bear leaves, neither root, nor fruit. And straightway that lad withered up wholly, but Jesus departed and went unto Joseph’s house. But the parents of him that was withered took him up, bewailing his youth, and brought him to Joseph, and accused him ‘for that thou hast such a child which doeth such deeds.’
IV. After that again he went through the village, and a child ran and dashed against his shoulder. And Jesus was provoked and said unto him: Thou shalt not finish thy course. And immediately he fell down and died. But certain when they saw what was done said: Whence was this young child born, for that every word of his is an accomplished work? And the parents of him that was dead came unto Joseph, and blamed him, saying: Thou that hast such a child canst not dwell with us in the village: or do thou teach him to bless and not to curse: for he slayeth our children.
V. And Joseph called the young child apart and admonished him, saying: Wherefore doest thou such things, that these suffer and hate us and persecute us? But Jesus said: I know that these thy words are not thine: nevertheless for thy sake I will hold my peace: but they shall bear their punishment. And straightway they that accused him were smitten with blindness. And they that saw it were sore afraid and perplexed, and said concerning him that every word which he spake whether it were good or bad, was a deed, and became a marvel. And when he saw that Jesus had so done, Joseph arose and took hold upon his ear and wrung it sore. And the young child was wroth and said unto him: It sufficeth thee to seek and not to find, and verily thou hast done unwisely: knowest thou not that I am thine? vex me not.’
Later, Jesus throws an old woman “who hath outlived her usefulness” into a pit, and everyone gets even madder at him and he goes away “to ponder in a cave.” When he comes back he says a spell to restore everyone:
And when the young child ceased speaking, immediately all they were made whole which had come under his curse. And no man after that durst provoke him, lest he should curse him, and he should be maimed.
Obviously, they should have kept this stuff in. If anything were to make me bow down to Jesus and be all “loving” of him, it would be if he could use his powers to wither me. I would bow down to that Jesus strongly.
Funny or Die was kind enough to let me write a short memoir for their digital journal The Occasional on why summer camp was such a meaningful experience for me. I am pleased to share it with you!